It's About Rules ... the Unwritten Ones

There’s a classic scene in the movie, A League of Their Own, when manager Tom Hanks sees one of his outfielders approaching the dugout and she’s crying. He says (actually yells), “Crying?! There’s no crying in baseball!”

Hmmm … now where would that be in the player’s policy manual? It’s not. Our outfielder has been hit with one of the deal breakers of the workplace—the unwritten rules. How was she to know that there was no crying … unless someone told her about it?

The unwritten rules reveal the true culture of a workplace. It’s how people treat each other, work with each other, play games—good and not-so-good—with each other.

It's the one hundred plus unwritten rules that can destroy your working relationships and your work environment.

Recently, I was giving a speech for a group within a hospital association at its annual meeting. One of the unwritten rules that surfaced during the exercise I do to reveal them was that if you have to see Sister, don’t wear red! Truth be told, the good Sister has taken quite a disliking to the color red. If you want/need something from her, don’t go bearing red. If she sees it, you are discounted, almost become invisible. It’s that simple.

You may think that it’s no big deal, but for Sister it is. And, if you had any savvy, you would have done your homework and known that it was a button-pusher for her. It’s her unwritten rule. Don’t wear red. Wouldn't it have been nice if someone had told you of her strong dislike?

Unwritten Rules Are Everywhere
What other button pushers do you know about? Have you even been in a situation that you thought or said, “Why didn’t someone tell me about that?”

Every workplace has them. Sometimes there are different rules for different status, length of employment, even who you are aligned with! Some seem silly—avoid red; some seem petty—don’t use Bertha’s pen; some seem like commonsense—if you use the last one, replace it.

Think of your workplace—do you work solo or with others? Do you have a kitchen or a coffee room; is there a break room; what about people—who else do you interact with; how do people communicate with each other—with clients/customers; do meetings start on time; do people routinely come in late or leave early; who reorders stuff and how do they know; are there certain vendors to use (or to avoid); is there someone everyone should avoid; do people dress a certain way; how do you interact with your boss or his superior; is there a type of caste system where you work; what about coworkers who have kids—do they get special time off for events; and do people favor (or avoid) certain colors/themes/topics, etc.?

A common unwritten could be that the first person in makes the first pot and the person who takes the last cup of coffee make a new pot. Another could be if someone switches from regular to legal size paper in the copier, switch back to regular for the next person or if someone uses fuchsia paper for a flyer, switch back to white.

People who smoke get more breaks (and they don’t count the time toward a break until they get outside and light up).

Don’t sit in Bonnie’s chair or use Phil’s parking space. These are what I call pew rules. Think of a place of worship—have you ever notice that the same people sit in the same place week after week? Workplaces are loaded with pew-type rules. Parking places, pens, mugs, chairs at a meeting, space usage.

Coworkers with kids have rules—more personal phone calls are often allowed, time off for events, not working on holidays. And guess what, it bugs those without kids—they may have someone at home who is not a child and they are responsible for that need communicating with.

Finding Your Unwritten Rules
Set aside 15 to 30 minutes over the next few days, and just ponder scenarios in your workplace. Identify the different individuals you work with, those in management or supervisory positions and those in senior management, including your CEO. Next, list the women and men you work with directly.

As you identify coworkers, describe their tasks, their personalities, and the interactions you have with them. Does your manager have any idiosyncrasies, mandates, or dictums? Do you have rules regarding days off, break time, interactions, or housekeeping? Are there dos and don’ts that everyone seems to abide by? No matter how minor anything seems, note it.

Ask yourself, “What things do you know not to do, and to do, just because you know it?” How did you learn it? By observing? By someone cluing you in?

Many unwritten rules seem commonsensical, but when the unwritten rules are not followed, they seed discontent. Some rules are sacred cows. Some rules have everyone scratching their heads on why they are in place. A single incident may not seem important, but over a period of time, many small infractions can make life a monstrous hassle. It’s not the written rules (show up, do your job), it’s the unwritten rules that can make or break you and your workplace.

Finally, as you learn the unwritten rules, share them. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if there was a list of what and what not to do to keep everyone out of the hot water?

You can find more on this in my books Zapping Conflict in the Health Care Workplace and Woman to Woman 2000: Becoming Sabotage Savvy in the New Mellennium.

It's About Play

Do you go out to play? When was the last time someone knocked on your door and asked you out to play? When you are on vacation, are you able to leave the office, the Blackberry, Palm, or the cell phone behind?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to restore or re-create yourself?

In the movie Mary Poppins, Michael’s banker Dad tells a joke to the elder owner of the bank when he’s called on the carpet for bringing the kids to the bank during the workday. Dad gets fired, then the elder ends up dying laughing when he recalls a joke that young Michael told his Dad who in turn told the bank board when he gets the boot. In the end, Dad is welcomed back, but not without a major lesson … a little fun now and then is good for the soul.

Laughing, as in laughing out of control, is taboo in most workplaces. Too many feel that goofing off is a sign of irresponsibility … it’s frivolous, time-wasting and only slackers would engage in such a thing.

When was the last time you did something for simply the joy of it; playing hooking and watching movies you love; going dancing or taking in a concert and jumping up and down with the crowd; dancing for the sake of just moving the body; or how about skipping rocks across a lake?

Don’t you sometimes just want to play a little hooky once in a while?

Adults need to come out and play.

It’s too easy to lose perspective. We say that we want balance, to be healthy, happy, spend time with our families. So, what does it take to he healthy and happy? Working more hours? Buying more stuff? I bet not.

If you were queried about what it would take to get in balance, many items on this list would likely pop up: take great vacations, get more sleep, eat well, reduce junk food intake, set goals, drink more water, have routine check-ups and the appropriate tests that go with your age, exercise regularly, relax more, be loved, have great relationships with family, friends, spouse, partner, reduce stress, laugh more, learn more, find time for self, and play. Easy list to put together. The problem is, most of us are all talk and little action.

It’s easy to pay lip-service to desiring balance in your work and personal life. Sounds good—one of the media (TV, Radio, Print, Internet) is always profiling some brilliant person who has it all—great family, fantastic job, money beyond needs—it makes such a good story. So glizzy and powerful, yet is it really real? Probably not.

You need a break. What do you need to say to yourself to get it? To allow yourself that break for renewal, for surrounding yourself with things/people that inspire, support and relax you.

If, and it’s a BIG if, you can find those resources, I’ll guarantee you'll come back healthier, stronger, more energetic, an improved perspective of what’s important AND, if your work is the work you should be doing, an invigorative renewal to it.

No where does it say that everyone, everything will stop so that you can recharge. Nope, you’ve got to say, “I need to stop, I need to refill and refuel myself.”

Too often, we think everything we do is important, necessary and critical to success. Some things are, but not all. Many think that they are dispensable. Do you? If you answer “yes”, think again.

Try putting your finger into a glass of water. Take it out. Observe the hole your finger left. Note, there is none. Sure, it could be bumpy a bit if you weren’t around for a few days … but indispensable? … rarely. The world will not stop.

We all know that kids need to get out and play and they are mostly likely to do a variety of things in their play mode as they fill their days. Why do adults think they are that much different? We adults NEED to play. If we don't, we can lose our perspective.

So, how do you play? Who are your playmates? What time do you set aside
just for restorative play? Or, do you have an unwritten contract with yourself, your friends, that you don’t play? Or that you limit your “laughs” to after work over a drink or two? If so, dump it.

The Holidays are here. Relax a bit. Spend fun time with those you really like to be around vs. those you have to be around. Play. Have fun. Laugh. Skip. Read something new that has nothing to do with work. See a play or musical. Check out Mel Brooks’ old movie, The Producers. Let down. Wear your PJs and play cards and games with the kids. Breathe deeply. Be silly. It's good for you. And for your work.

Merry Christmas--

It's About Goals

Everyone knows someone who starts a sentence with “I wish…” I wish I had a better job … I wish I made more money … I wish I could lose 20 pounds … I wish I could go on vacation … I wish I had a bigger home … I wish I had a new car … I wish …. I wish … I wish …

There’s nothing wrong with wishing. What is wrong is when road blocks are created from all the talk (or thoughts) and no action.

Wishing only leads to frustration, sabotaging your dreams, your goals. It needs more.

To transition from wishing to success, you need some necessary ingredients. Wishing for a better job or more pay can be construed as the first step, but only if you add factors that will get you to the desired goal.

You Can’t Be Vague
Goals aren’t attainable unless they are specific.
Start with how you verbalize, write or phrase your goal. If you say or think, “I want a better job,” it’s not enough. A better job, doing what? Within the same field, industry? In the city you currently work in? What?

It’s easy to grumble about what you do—very few can say they love their job 100 percent of the time. But if you want something better, you success will depend on knowing what is better—be it in the same field/industry or in another. Being specific will move you in that direction.

Move it from your mind to paper… or your computer. Print it out and post it in a place that you routinely see. Writing it out may just be the nudge you need to keep your on track.

Goals Need To Be Measured
When you say you want better pay, how much better? Does that mean a higher hourly or greater salary? Does it mean additional benefits—more vacation, training or education reimbursements? Does it mean a more flexible schedule to work within? More money has variables to it; you need to be specific as to what exactly you want.

Getting more money may not be all it first appears. You may have to work more hours than you originally thought, eliminating the after work baseball team that was one of the highlights of your week; the flexibility you had may be no longer; or the cost of your medical benefits may be doubled. You need to assess what you had before and what you are consider going to.

If your work in marketing or sales, it’s common to say, “I’m going to increase our market share or increase my sales next year.” It’s more effective to say, “I want to increase our market share by 15 percent,” or “I want to up my sales next year by 30 percent.”

Goal setting requires checkpoints, or mini goals. That way, you know that you are making progress. It’s also important to understand that they will be plateaus at some time—you may feel stuck.

In obtaining mastery of any type, there will be times that you skyrocket toward your goal; times you may stagnant and times that you may actually experience a decline before you begin to accelerate again.

You Have To Take Action
Will Rogers said, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there,” and Abraham Lincoln wrote, “People are just about as happy as they want to be.” You can’t move toward any goal without movement on your part. Action speaks; talking about it rarely pushes you forward.

Goals Need To Be Practical, Pertinent and Positive
Let’s say that you dream of winning the Gold medal in the Olympics in swimming and you are close to 40 years old. Today, at best, you are a mediocre swimmer and not in prime physical shape.

You could embark upon a stringent training program encompassing hours daily, become a good swimmer and tone your body up. With all the time spent learning how to swim, your work has taken a far second.

Your goal isn’t practical—Olympian swimmers are not in their 40s and need to be in prime conditioning.

Goals should be a stretch, reachable with work on your part, but not a slam dunk or an impossible dream. Impractical and irrelevant undertakings are self-sabotaging. They act as de-motivating factors creating major distractions to true goals that will move your forward.

Instead of saying my goal is to complete a degree or lose some weight,
try reframing it. Try: my goal is to learn more about the workings of my computer (an outcome of the degree in computer science you are working on) or wearing the new dress by the wedding (that will look smashing with a 10 pound reduction). Being more positive supports your game plan.

Goals Should Have Dates Attached To Them
If you don’t set a timeframe to reach your goal, there is no pressure to complete it. If there isn’t a push, then it probably won’t happen. If goals are big, having mini-goals that enable you to mark them off your list (be it mental or on paper) shows movement toward completion.

If you find that you aren’t hitting your goals, then a reassessment needs to be done. Is the goal practical, attainable, does it need more time, can it be measured, is it too vague? Or is it merely a wish?

It's About Communicating

Technology is fabulous. Can you imagine not being able to use email, scanning, faxing, pagers, wireless phones, cell phones or a PDA?

Today’s phones have a variety of ring tones—you can select different ones for different people, telling you who is calling before you answer the phone (or choose not to answer it). Some systems even announce the name of the caller; again, allowing you to decide whether you want to answer or not.

Blackberry, Treo, other PDAs, iPODs, cell phones, pagers and computers all have made us accessible within and outside of the workplace. And that may not be such good news.

Picture this: You are in a staff meeting and notice that several co-workers keep looking at their laps throughout the meeting. You are intrigued with a low-level buzzing that goes on and off. And, you wonder, can someone really be participative and productive within a meeting if he is “checking out” frequently to view his email and messages?

Or, you are in a restaurant and notice that an adjacent table is fully occupied. Each person is on a cell phone talking to someone other than a tablemate. You wonder why they go out together if they don’t seem to want to talk with each other, but to someone remotely.

Most communication pros say that the technology usage from cell phones, PDAs, instant messaging, etc., can add to stress. The constant ringing, buzzing and vibrating beckons. Better not ignore it, it could be a crisis. You end up being a slave to your technology devices.

And that’s the rub—rarely are these communications generated because of a crisis. It’s just so easy to contact someone who is connected. These convenience tools end up gobbling up more of your time than you realize.

So, how do you control today’s technology gadgets so that they don’t control you? Start with:

• Realize that every time your computer announces a new email, your PDA buzzes, or your phone vibrates, it’s probably not a crisis. It could be spam or a wrong number. You may be at your desk and able to respond within minutes…but, should you? Enabling your technology tools to interrupt you at will, may not be such a smart thing.

• Make voice mail your friend, not something that you hide behind or a device that sets up a trail that the caller has to message your Treo or call your cell. Instead, why not get in the habit of changing your message daily—letting the caller know a time that you’ll be checking your messages and returning calls.

• When you attend a meeting, attend and participate in it. Don’t take your Blackberry in—it isn’t invited. Ditto for your cell phone. You can return calls and check for messages when the meeting is done.

• Don’t create unrealistic expectations for others in the way you respond to email. Immediately responding can do a couple of things.

It may unintentionally make your co-workers look bad because they don’t respond as quickly as you do. Or, it may say that you don’t have enough work to do. Either way, it’s not a good thing.

Never underestimate the power and value of a non-technical type of
conversation. Sure, communicating remotely may be necessary at times. But, the importance that sitting down with an old-fashioned one-on-one chat, or with the entire team, can’t be overlooked.

If it comes trying to resolve a problem over email versus live conversation, the live conversation will create better results. Communication involves hearing and seeing—hearing voice tones, observing body language…and yes, hearing the words.

Try it the old-fashioned way—don’t let your fingers do all the talking.

It's About Fixing Your Credit

As January unfolds, spending from all the holidays rears its head. If you used a credit card for your shopping, you most likely spent 30% more than if you had paid cash. The credit card companies are hiking up their minimum payments and you may be worried about your overall credit rating.

If credit is a concern, DO NOT, spend a dime on anything that looks like, sounds like or says it is, a credit repair clinic. No one can fix your credit, no one but you. Here's how:

1. Pay your bills on time...take advantage on online banking and payments.
2. Always pay a few bucks more than the minimum required.
3. Work, on paying down the balance.

That's it. No fancy tricks or gimmicks.

One other tip. Call the 800# on the back of your credit card(s) and tell the customer service rep that you are getting offers in the mail to open an account with another financial company at a lower rate. Ask for your rate to be lowered. If you've been paying on time, 80% will drop it a few percentage points.

It's a smart money move.

Final recommendation--get my latest book, Money Smarts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! It's an excellent way to start the New Year.

It's About Money Common Sense

Money Smarts is what it's all about...and money common sense. This past week, I've done several radio and TV interviews on my latest book, Money $marts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! A great majority of callers have asked questions about credit and credit card usage.

Monthly Bills will deliver higher Minimums--they will be increasing quite a bit shortly--expect your payments to double if you just do the bare amount each month.

If you are someone who pays on time, but carries a balance, get your credit cards out NOW and call the 800# on the back of the card for customer service. Ask/request that your interest rate be reduced--tell the card representative that you are getting multiple offers every week from other credit card companies to open an account with them and transfer the balance you have with the current company to a new one. What will they reduce your interested rate to, to keep your business? Believe, it's worth pursuing--80% will drop the rate on the phone.

With your new, reduced rate, the increased minimum will still be an increase, but the finance charges will drop--a very good thing.
You can get a copy of Money $marts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! through Amazon.com and BN.com--link below:


Buy Money $marts through Amazon.com

It's About Not Letting Holidays Break Your Bank Account

Celebrations don’t have to break your bank account. Below is an excerpt from my latest book--Money Smarts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! (Mile High Press)

To Think About: If you have kids, you know what the “gimmes” are. If you don’t have kids, and have friends and relatives who do, or you’ve ever been in a store, you have witnessed the gimmes. It’s a childhood disease that becomes epidemic when holidays and birthdays approach. And, no wonder. The media, through advertising, blitzes kids with every kind of conceivable toy and doo-dad. Kids have a hard time deciding what treasure they want. If the truth be told, they want them all. “Gimme this and gimme that!”

How about you? Do you get the adult gimmes? Do you go hog-wild during the holidays with gift buying for one and all? Do you expect gifts from all your friends and relatives?

Comedian George Carlin created a hilarious routine on “stuff.” Most people have plenty of stuff; some have way too much stuff. Before adding to your closets, shelves and garages, do a reality check. Maybe someone else could use some of the stuff you already have.

To Do: Call a family meeting before the pizzazz and excitement of holidays and birthdays hit. Tell them that you want to put together a spending plan for the next holiday season. Your spending plan could actually involve no money—time could be your currency.

• Everyone makes a list of potential gift recipients.

• Each family member decides what his or her money budget is.

• Determine what kind of gifts to be given: ideas include a store-bought present, homemade treats, time, money, even a donation in their name. Be open to possibilities that get generated from the “group think tank.”

• Consider adopting a cause and tell friends and other family members that you don’t want a gift given to you. Instead, tell them what or whom you would like a gift given to.

• Have each family member make a “wish” list. Family and friends can ask if there is anything specific someone wants. If budget and wishes fit, the days of returns will be eliminated.

• Large families routinely draw names and set a monetary limit to how much can be spent on a gift. Why not try it in yours to keep spending down?

Money $mart Tip It’s not unusual to get something you really don’t want. How about starting a tradition with family and friends with whom you exchange gifts and create Wish Lists? Kids that can’t write yet can clip pictures from catalogs. That way, no one gets “junk” and everyone is sure to receive something that they really want.